A LITTLE BIT OF MY STORY SINCE 1997
Why was that point reached?
I am not pretending to describe here what these twelve (12) years of the road to my children. Nevertheless, people have asked me thousands of times why I did not stay to live in Jordan therefore, I will explain you shortly though I have explained it in my second book “Jordania, la Travesía” (“Jordan, The Trip To Fetch My Kids”) (Atlántida, 2005). This question was made to me by thousands of people in Argentina and I know that it is due to the existing difficulty in the West before the Muslim legal difficulty for the mother in a tragic family situation where 3 children were moved without the Judge’s previous permission to be moved from where they lived (Guatemala, in this case). These three children crossed borders with no registration at all so that the father could enter Jordan, an eastern land where the children belong to the father and the Islam.
The first three months after the abduction, we did not know where they were. Then, through a person and through diplomatic means, we knew that they were in Jordan. At that moment a very important UNO’s diplomat woman told me: “I never told you this, but going into Jordan is very dangerous for you due to Muslim laws. If something happened to you, not even the international community can help you. If you still decide to go to that country, you should go with State protection.” I travelled to Jordan thanks to the energetic negotiation of the Argentine State with the Jordan country. There, Karim, Zahira and Sharif’s road – as well as mine, too – started when we met each other for the first time after a year had elapsed of the abduction, as it was not a mother’s tragedy, but that of three children’s.
Thus, I started my way towards the rights of the children and trip so as not to continue causing pain, anguish and tragedy in them. It was difficult due to the cultural barriers imposed by Islam and the difficult relationship with the Jordan family (*).
In 2005, after Imad appeared for the first time before a Muslim court, we started trying to reach a dialogue thanks to Judge Carlos Romano’s – in charge of the case on behalf of the Argentine State – negotiations, and the Islam Judge of Judges Tamimi – maximum Islamic authority in Jordan. At that time, I was aware that we should return a family to Karim, Zahira and Sharif and a possible future in harmony.
Both of us parents are responsible of what had occurred to our children and immature enough to believe that we could build a multicultural family, when actually, none of us knew what we should know about the other’s culture. We neither made any agreement of respecting the origin from which each of us came, and in the case of having children, protect them and commit to give them both cultures and not take them away from their parents under any circumstance whatsoever.
Obviously, love in this type of tragedies is swept away with a part of ancestry, when one decides to carry out this tremendous action and everything becomes a huge disorder and disaster.
In 2205, through dialogue both parties could reach to an agreement. As regards me, I turned over the children’s custody, alimony and even terminated every proceeding. For his part, Imad allowed me to visit my children in Jordan twice a year. From that moment onwards, with my personal work and unconditional love and in detachment, the five of us could seat again to a table, and, especially me, I could know where they lived, cook for them, lay down in their beds and make them sleep. Then, after some years, they could stay to sleep with me alone all night long.
During the trip, we made in March 2010, things moved tremendously: the five of us travelled all together for a few days to another Muslim land, outside Jordan. During my stay in Jordan, Zahira stayed with me in the apartment that Imad offered me to stay a whole week. At the same time, Imad asked me to extend my stay so that I could be with the children while he travelled on a business trip. Each of these events occurred for the first time.
Both of us parents know, and in fact, we have spoken about it, that it was time to join forces for our children’s benefits, even though we have very different views of life and what occurred in this story. Our children need us. Personally, I worked restlessly in order to be able to sit with Imad and show respect for him because he is my children’s father. I unceasingly did a lot of interior work as well because the conflict manifested outside is something that exists within us.
Little by little, accompanied by marvelous people who devoted their hearts to me, I started healing not only to be the mother I am today, but also to bring again to life my womanhood and reach the particular and singular human being we all are.
I hope that my own journey, my course, inspire my children so that they take their own potentials and be creators of their own life. It is possible! Today I WATCH the story and know that I had to live it, not only for the history I have discovered of my own ancestors, but also for everything it has left to me, to you, to the Justice and to the governments, but most especially, to my children. This is the reason why, I wish that love re-arranges among all of us, honoring our ancestors, honoring our fathers, mothers, grandparents, great-great-grandparents in both cultures: the East and the West.
In some time, the world’s children should be safe among adults. I do not say this for what I have described above but for all those situations lived by child soldiers, child workers, abandoned children, abused children, children violated by us adults in the whole world.
I went back to Jordan in June 2010 and Imad started organizing what it would be our first family vacation after the tragedy in a Western land. I stayed with the children in Jordan for twenty days while Imad traveled to Guatemala and, after that, the children and I took an airplane to meet their father in the West. There we spent a two-week vacation. When somebody told us “What a beautiful family!” Imad used to answer: “She is my ex-wife and we fought so much that we almost ended up killing each other, but today we are friends and on a family vacation.”
That trip was marvelous as we integrated energies to know ourselves and recover so many things… Zahira used to say “I am shopping with my Mom,” “I am watching a movie with my Mom,” “I am sleeping with my Mom,” “I am traveling with my Mom.” In that trip, she realized that I love ice creams and she does, too…
Traveling together was very healing as we all let ourselves flow without imposing truths, realities or egos. Nobody here is more than the other, we are all important. We do not need to say who we are, when one already IS, so everything occurs. Nevertheless, there were moments of annoyance, scolding and long faces, but life is also that marvel: to know how to live with all the energies and take all of them. Learning to respect spaces and silences while we pray in silence for the good and peace of all as a family constitutes a constellation and in such constellation, nobody should be left aside. Bert Hellinger says, regarding that love gets messed up and brings lots of pain for everyone when one of them leaves the circle, as that whole constellation, not only cries but starts not knowing how to relate among themselves, and each and all of its members, travel the roads of life lost and annoyed.
Healing the family is doing an interior work so that all of us are part of that circle accepting ourselves as each of us are and watching, without judging, who is each of us; and, especially, in my family, accept who we are.
In our history, now it is the time of the Argentine phase. The phase where the children will start taking the maternal land and in it, the completely Western family who have struggled so much beside me and who is eagerly waiting for them.
We continue walking, but now with no structures or concepts, with no systems, so that we can experience the love that does not go along conventional roads.
Love is never liable of being abducted; it only needs order and healing within so that then, it can manifest externally!
When one SEES somebody, one SEES if that person relates to by ties or by bonds. Ties are superficial and temporal while bonds go through deep the BEING as they mean an enormous work and transformation for those who bond.
I bless and thank…Gabriela Arias Uriburu (*) I recommend you to read in the Foundation Web site, what the Arab attorney says about multicultural marriages: http://www.foundchild.org.ar/multiculturalidad/